Cliff Jumping While Terrified

The following is an entry from my journal on September 13, 2016.

Context: I was on the beaches of Chalcidice, Greece with the World Race squad I mentor. Two of our Racers had just gotten baptized and other of my Racers shared the gospel with lounging and questioning onlookers. Praise. We then hiked for a few minutes to get to a place where we could cliff jump. And by “we could cliff jump” I mean we hiked to a  place where I intended watch other people cliff jump and cheer them on while my own feet stayed planted on the rocks. But I surprised myself. And fear nor comfort won that day.

———-

I’ve heard it said that emotions are a map of what we value. By highly valuing wisdom, safety, and (let’s be honest) my life, I’ve justified feeling fear under the moniker of caution all wrapped up in the cloak of justifying, “this is my personality.”

Emotions are a map of what we value. Yes, I highly value wisdom, and as I’m growing, I hold in equal esteem freedom. Freedom from fear. We’ve been set free for the sake of freedom.

In my growing and maturing, as my values shifts – some becoming more deeply rooted and others being purged – my emotions will also shift.

In full honesty, I can’t presently imagine a life – mine – fully free from fear. But, I do know in certainty that I am surrendering to the bondage of fear less. And less. And less. Perhaps fearless truly is within reach – mine.

I jumped from a 30 foot cliff into the beautiful Aegean Sea this afternoon. Something quite incongruent with how I define myself. But, even the definition of me is changing. Only my deeply rooted identity as “beloved of Yah” is truly fixed.

May all other things be, if necessary, cast into the (Aegean) sea.

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